Guinea Pig
by Dance Elle Dance
Summary: "So...you're giving me muffins, why?" Dan's voice was wary. Blair looked at him with a sickeningly sweet smile, "Well, I have to test them out on someone before I give them to the public." DanBlair, oneshot


_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own Gossip Girl._

_**Summary: "So…you're giving me muffins, why?" Dan's voice was wary. Blair looked at him with an sickeningly sweet smile, "Well, I have to test them out on someone before I give them to the public." DanBlair, oneshot**_

_Okay, so…this is a rather random idea, but I just had the urge to write some Dair, plus I have been pigging out on muffins, so there's where I got the subject matter. Haha, another random thing - I think I've gotten my mom to liking this show. She adores Chuck because he's "dark and sexy." (insert hysterical laughter here.) Not that Chuck isn't or anything, just saying. It's just funny that Mom thinks that… Anyway, here's my latest attempt at a GG fanfic. I hope everyone likes!_

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**Guinea Pig**

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Muffins had never looked so menacing.

The delectable little treats weren't _supposed _to look menacing. They were supposed to be light, friendly, and most of all _delicious_.

Oh, not these.

No, no, not these.

These were _Blair Waldorf _muffins.

No innuendo intended.

Dan gulped as he looked at the tray of supposedly unoffending items. They looked harmless enough, despite the fact that he could slightly smell a strange, burnt odor, wafting to his nostrils like a sick, threatening precursor to the things that were to come in regards to the strange, demonic foodstuffs.

Now, Dan had no clue why he was so scared, but he knew he had a reason to be. Not since Olivia had tried to make quiche in the apartment had he been so scared of food.

These muffins were indeed, one of the most terrifying things he'd ever been subjected to. And he hadn't even tasted them yet.

Well, he supposed he should get this over with. Get the reason behind the freakish baked goods before the brunette crammed them down his throat.

"What is this all about, Blair?" He ventured exasperatedly, as the Waldorf woman stared at him with determined, fox-like brown eyes.

The sun was bright, beaming down on the two of them. Dan had been seated at a random picnic table on campus, when Blair had come sauntering up in all her Waldorf glory, before slamming down a basket full of questionable looking muffins. She hadn't said anything, as if she just expected him to be so overcome with joy at receiving something that he'd just chow down without question.

"Huh." Blair huffed, "I thought you would appreciate me making some muffins and handing them to you."

"I've never seen you bake anything in your life. Not to mention the fact that you would cook for me only if the main ingredients were cyanide and sugar."

"Ah, what little girls are made of." Blair cooed sarcastically.

"Little _Waldorf _girls."

Blair snickered at that, knowing full well that that was the case, but not seeming to mind at all.

"So…you're bringing me muffins, why?" Dan's voice was wary.

Blair looked at him with an sickeningly sweet smile, "Well, I have to test them out on someone before I give them to the public."

Blinking, Dan processed her words for a moment before responding, "So I'm your crash test dummy?"

"More like guinea pig, but you've got the gist of it." Blair's smile only grew in width as she watched him eye the basket of muffins as if it contained all of the evils in the universe, condensed into one sweet treat.

"So try them before I tell everyone that you've kissed a guy."

"Wha - I've never - " Dan spluttered at the outright lie.

"Okay, that was a stretch," Blair admitted to herself, but then steely determination entered her eyes, "Just eat the damn muffins!"

Dan wasn't sure which was scarier now - dying from eating the muffins, or Blair's reaction if he just dumped them all on the ground.

Decisions, decisions.

Shakily, he reached out and grasped one of the food items in his hands, finding it to be surprisingly soft instead of the rock-hard brick he was expecting.

Blair was now looking at him with expectant, eager brown eyes - an expression that would be fit on a child at Christmas morning. Dan didn't think he'd ever seen Blair so happy in a non-scheming situation.

So, despite his better judgment, he took a bite.

The brunette's teeth had sunk into her plump lower lip, and as he chewed, he couldn't help but stare at that, entranced at how utterly _pretty_ this girl was, leaning over him.

And, surprisingly, the muffin didn't kill him after he swallowed.

No, in fact, he bit off another section and chewed.

And swallowed.

Repeated the process.

Blair was looking at him as if an alien had possessed his body. The childlike look on her face had been replaced by one of slight aggravation at his lack of words, or coos of approval. "_So_?"

"Surprisingly…" Dan searched his mind for a word, but settled on the simplest one, "_good_."

Kindness reached Blair's eyes for a split second before she rose, taking the basket of muffins in her hand, "And that adds a notch for cooking on Blair Waldorf's belt."

"And take away the humility notch."

Blair looked down at Dan with amusement in her eyes, but she said nothing. No retort, no smarmy comeback. Just looked at him with appreciation. It was strange, but this seemed to be one of those times that he and Blair "had a moment."

"Alright then." Blair said, ignoring the comment, but he could see the amusement at it faint in her eyes, "For your participation, I'll honor you with one of my lovely muffins." Dan didn't even want to comment on how odd that sounded, but didn't mind when she placed one of those amazing-tasting muffins in front of him, crumbs splattering along his equations.

"Later, Cabbage Patch."

"Later." He said, not taking too much offense to the term. He'd gotten used to it, after all. And besides, there really was no reason he should be offended - Blair did that to everyone.

She walked away, and he couldn't help but notice the sway of her hips beneath the sheath of the skirt that she wore, the confident grace with which she carried herself.

He took a bite of the muffin in front of him, and watched her go, thinking to himself that she would look amazing in an apron - and nothing else.

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_**End.**_

_So, yeah. Just a cute little Dair oneshot to cleanse your palate. Haha. I hope everyone liked this. I really enjoyed writing this - even though it was a short little scene. But I guess that's why I enjoyed writing it so much! Well, I would love to hear your opinions, so please review! You have no idea how much those words mean, haha. _

_Thanks for reading!_


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